Catheryn Collins

Circumstances have played out today to bring me to a place of recognition of the deep need I have for the Lord to intervene.  Apart from Him there is no resolution to the situation I face.  He is the source of the wisdom I desperately seek and the strength I need to face the fear that threatens to overcome me.  Once again, I recognize that mothering is not for the weak of heart!  It is a calling that requires all that I am and one that each and every day I am grateful to have been called to.  Yet, today, I stop to recognize and marvel that mothering is so much more than I ever anticipated, more rewarding than I ever hoped and more difficult than I ever imagined.  Despite the confusion I feel today, despite the questions with no answers in sight, I rejoice for the opportunity to mother. 

I read a quote recently that said, "Mothering is not the ultimate goal of being a mom, reflecting Christ to your children is."  Wow, what a challenge!  A challenge that I have hoped to be to my children, despite my failings, despite the flesh that battles against it.  My heart is for them to see Christ in me, and to know that He is THE source of life.  As much as possible, I have tried to live my faith out before them.  I want them to catch me with my nose pressed to the pages of His Word, I want them to catch me dancing and praising Him, I want them to catch me prostrate in prayer, and I want them to catch me huddled in a corner crying and pouring my heart out to Him.  I want them to observe that in all circumstances I turn to Him.  Do they see?  Have they comprehended?  Those answers I may never have.  It is a part of mothering that I continually entrust to the Lord and believe that He will take my offerings and work them for His glory.  I may never fully know the impact I have had in my children's lives, both good and bad, but I press on in faith to the calling He has placed on my life.  

Today, in the midst of confusion, the Lord has encouraged me through a reminder of something Caitlin wrote as part of her testimony.  Two and half years ago, I lost a child in my second trimester.  My prayer in that grief was Lord help me to walk this as honestly and as transparently as I can.  As Robby and I told the children of our loss, my first instruction was that we would praise Him.  When we found out that we were expecting, we praised Him and we would praise Him in the midst of this loss.  Our circumstances had changed, but He had not.  He was still worthy of all honor and praise!  As I walked through those weeks of grief and loss, I was not aware of the impact it was having on my children.  This is what Caitlin wrote months later:

This heirloom dress was made for and designed by Sarah Howard Stone, Inc.  Made from a soft shade of pink Swiss batiste, this dress is trimmed in ecru lace.  The skirt features two lace bands and a band of puffing. This dress was custom ordered for a five year old girl's formal portrait. 

The yoke is a mitered yoke in ecru lace and trimmed in a small lace edge.  Ribbon was later added to the sleeves.

The fancy skirt includes a puffing band along with two lace bands.

 

In recent weeks, I completed a christening gown made in white Swiss batiste and trimmed in antique laces.  The gown features a tucked yoke with embroidery, three lace bands, two tucked bands, and a fabric ruffle.  The gown measures thirty-six inches in length and it has a matching T-cap bonnet to compliment it. 

 

 

 

 

The yoke has tucks and embroidery on the front and back.  The bottom of the yoke is finished with lace insertion which was also used in the bands on the skirt.  The embroidery contains bullion roses and leaves in ecru thread.  I did not add lace edging around the yoke in order to keep a more tailored look.

 

 

 

The gowns do not have buttons or snaps to close them.  They are closed with beauty bars/pins.  These pins are decorative pins usually made from gold and embellished with pearls or engraving.

 

 

 

The skirt consists of three lace bands and two tucked bands.  The tucks were made on a machine using a tucking foot, two spools of thread, and a double needle. 

 

 

 

The ruffle is embellished with tucks as well.  Another way to embellish a skirt is to add lace insertion and cut out the fabric from behind the lace.  I used this method on my daughters' christening gown.

 

 

 

Here is the matching T-Cap bonnet I made to coordinate with the gown.

 

 

It is not an easy task to describe the items that I make.  Those of you who sew and would like to know more information, please feel free to ask for more details.  I would love to answer any questions you have. 

 

This christening gown is for sale.  Look for it on my web store soon. 

What a crazy few months it has been!  There is so much I want to share with you that has been going on in my life and how God has been working through it all.  To ease back into blogging, I thought I would simply start by sharing the work that I have been doing these past few months.  Sewing brings such pleasure to me!  It affords me the opportunity to pray and to talk with the Lord as I work.  There is something about my hands being busy that brings a calmness to my mind and allows me to focus on Him and share my heart with Him.  Usually as I am sewing I have praise music playing and I find a respite from the craziness of my day, which in recent days has been much needed!  

To start with, these are the daygowns that I have made.  The first is a tatted ragland sleeve daygown.  I made the tatted edge from size 80 thread in a lilac color (DMC #397).  Purples are tricky in heirloom sewing and I prefer colors that aren't too bright.  This lilac color was wonderful!  After I made the tatting, I was disappointed with it against the white batiste.  Instead, I coupled it with ivory batiste and it took on a softer, more subtle hue.  The pictures were made before I added embroidery to the placket.  The embroidery brought much dilemma when trying to find the right colors.  After much trial and error, I found that DMC #554 worked for the center of the rosebud and DMC #153 was perfect for the outer rosebud.  For the leaves and stem, I used DMC #3013.  Sometimes, you have to wait on a project to develop as you go along and this daygown was one of those projects.  My fear in adding embroidery was that it would take away from the sweet simplicity of the daygown and the tatting.  Once I found the right color combinations, I added single rosebuds between the buttons of the gown.  Another difficulty in creating this gown was finding the right color ribbon.  The color that best suited the gown was only available in 1/8 inch ribbon, which is too small for entredeux beading.  To solve this problem, I tatted my own beading in the lilac thread and then stitched that to entredeux.  I think it turned out very sweet with an old fashioned look to it.  This daygown is available to purchase and I will post a link as soon as I have it listed on my web store.

The second daygown I completed was a white version with ecru lace and ecru embroidery.  This daygown was created using the same pattern as above, but it has a much different look.  The ecru lace was gathered down either side of the placket and around the sleeves.  The embroidery was completed in ecru thread with bullion daisies and leaves.  This gown was well received and I have already been asked to create another one exactly like it.  

 

Thank you for all who visit my blog and take an interest in the things that I am doing!!!  It is such a blessing to share with you all!!!

This weekend I used the coupon for a free whole chicken, carrots, and rustic mash potatoes from Earth Fare (to get your own coupon go to http://www.earthfare.com/Welcome-Home.aspx and join Welcome Home).  My favorite recipe for a whole chicken is one a friend shared with me many years ago.  This recipe is simple and quick, but you do need to remember to prepare it the night before.  The preparation time is only 10 minutes and, then, refrigerate overnight.  The next day simply bake it for five hours.  The recipe is as follows:

 

Ingredients

Directions

The link to the original recipe is http://allrecipes.com//Recipe/roast-sticky-chicken-rotisserie-style/Detail.aspx.

Finally, here is Cecelia's Focaccia Bread recipe.  A big thank you to Cecelia for allowing me to post her recipe!!!  The recipe I used for years to make focaccia bread was one in which you had to "babysit" it for hours.  We loved the bread but it truly was labor intensive.  Cecelia introduced me to her recipe and I was floored at how EASY it was.  This recipe is great for first timers to bread making and it is cinch to throw together. 

Ingredients: 

   4 cups all-purpose flour

   2 tsp salt

   3-4 tsp yeast

   2 1/4 cups VERY WARM water

Topping: 

   olive oil

   kosher salt

Put flour in your largest mixing bowl.  Create a well in the center of the flour.  Add dry yeast to the well and add 1 cup of water to yeast.  Allow to rest for 5-7 minutes.  Sprinkle salt around edge of flour away from yeast mixture.  Next, add remaining water and mix together with a strong spoon (I use a wooden spoon).   The dough is not a dense dough, but rather a thick batter.  No kneading involved!!!  Just pour in an oil sprayed 9x11 glass dish.  Allow to rise in a warm place for 1 1/2 to 2 hours.  Preheat oven to 450 degrees.  Bake for 25 minutes until completely brown on top.  Remove from oven and immediately drizzle olive oil across entire top of the bread and sprinkle with kosher salt (my favorite).  Allow it to sit for a few minutes.  Then slice into squares and serve.

Variations--add a variety of the following either to the batter or on top as it rises:  

   rosemary

   basil

   garlic

   tomatoes

   olives

   sun-dried tomatoes

This bread is great for making muffalettas and paninis.  It is also perfect with anything Italian and with hearty soups.  Happy baking!!!

The past two years I have made the dresses for the princesses in the Krewe of the Athenian Debutante Ball.  This year there will be nine princesses aged 6 and 7 years old.  These dresses have been a delight to make.  The dresses, which were designed by Sarah Howard Stone, are a combination of Sarah's Tyler pattern and The Bodice Dress by Collars, Etc.  The lace portion of the bodice was made using the Tyler pattern.  I made a block using the front and back yoke which allows for the diagonal direction of the lace on the back bodice.  The Tyler pattern was laid on top of the The Bodice Dress to finish the bodice design.  The lace portion of the bodice includes net insertion and puffing strips made from netting.  The net edge around the yoke was rolled and whipped, then gathered and whipped on to entredeux.  The shoulder ruffles were also rolled and whipped, then gathered on to entredeux.  The shoulder ruffles are not gathered around the entire arm opening.  The skirt has an eight inch hem and is floor length.  The dress also has a built in slip.  Each dress will be finished off with a two inch satin ribbon sash.  

These dresses have been a creative outlet for me during the discomforts of early pregnancy and then the difficult time of my miscarriage.  Even while nauseous and tired, I could sit and do the handwork of rolling and whipping or blindstitching the hems.  On good days when I was feeling well, I was able to get the machine work done and complete the puffing.  God's provision is always amazing!  Even while feeling physically bad, I was able to continue in the comfort of my home to provide financially for my family.  And in the emotional uncertainity and pain of my miscarriage, I had a distraction and something to occupy my thoughts.  While working on these dresses, I was able to pour my heart to Him and find the comfort I so deeply needed!

Please feel free to leave your comments or any questions you might have.   

Thank you to all who have so diligently prayed for us these recent days as we waited to find out the results of the ultrasound.  We can not thank you enough for crying out on behalf of the life of our child.  What a blessing each one of you have been!!!  The results were not what we hoped for but with absolute faith we accept what He has for us.  There are so many things on my heart, things I would love for you to understand.  I'm not sure if I will be able to adequately convey them to you but I pray that God in His graciousness will allow me to do so. 

 

A little background information...After a year of fertility treatments Ashton was conceived through insemination.  We experienced what the doctors call secondary infertility.  Caitlin was conceived the first month we tried, yet with our second that was not the case.  The doctors couldn't explain to us why, but that it would be impossible for us to conceive without the help of fertility treatments.  Robby made the decision not to put me through that grueling process again.  He felt if God desired us to have more children then He would open my womb.  Well five pregnancies later, we have come to a deep place of realization that He does truly open and close the womb.  We have had no control over determining whether to have a child or not.  It has always been in His hands.  Since we so deeply desire more children, we have left ourselves open to whatever He decided.  I don't question whether my being pregnant was God's will for our lives, because the simple fact I was meant it was His will.  We allowed ourselves to be available to life if God chose to bless us in that way, we submitted to His plan for our lives.  Even though we were willing and submitted ourselves to Him, it didn't mean that we were guaranteed a child at the end of nine months.  It meant we were willing to walk in whatever He had for us.  Of those five pregnancies, I now have the awesome privilege of parenting two wonderful, but very different boys.  I have also had the privilege of being Mommy to three children for EACH ONE of their ordained days, regardless of the brevity of those days.  I don't question why--why were their days so short, why bless me with life only to take it away, why couldn't I hold and parent these children.  I'm not sure how I have come to this place of deep acceptance to His will, but I TRULY TRUST His plan for my life.  My heart feels such gratitude--amazing, deep thankfulness for having carried life and for being in the center of His will.  What a privilege and blessing! 

 

The days leading to the ultrasound I had such unbelievable peace!  It never wavered!  Each time I prayed for the life of my child I heard in response, "Everything is okay!"  It didn't mean that everything was going to be okay with the baby, it just meant that whatever the result I would walk through it with a loving, faithful Father who would carry me through.  And He has and I know He will continue to do so.  I cannot explain this but I have not felt overwhelming loss, just a deep sense of thankfulness and gratitude.  For a brief period, I carried life!  I carried life!  What a miracle!!!  Life IS such a gift! 

 

I know the days to come won't be easy.  As my body begins to reject this pregnancy and the visible signs of loss begin to happen, I will all the more grieve the passing of this precious child that I long to hold and love.  Yet, I also know that each moment of sorrow will be coupled with praise as it was with my last miscarriage.  How can I not praise Him?  He is worthy of all my praise!  My circumstances may not be what I hoped for, but He is ALL that I hoped for!  This Thanksgiving Day will take on such a deeper meaning because of what I am experiencing.  My heart is filled with such gratitude for His goodness towards us! 

 

Again thank you for your prayers, messages, and phone calls.  The love you have shown me and my family has ministered so deeply to us.  THANK YOU!!!  And I love you all!!!

 

 

Tuesday I went to the doctor for an ultrasound which revealed that I was not as far along as I thought.  I measured 5 weeks and 5 days and the ultrasound did not pick up a fetal tone (heartbeat).  Today, I went back for another ultrasound which showed I now measured 6 weeks and 3 days, but still no fetal pole or a heartbeat.  I have been so nauseated these past few days which should indicate my HCG levels are continuing to rise.  I did lab work today and my doctor will call me tomorrow with those results.  Another ultrasound is scheduled for Tuesday of next week.  So what does all this mean?  Everything is uncertain.  Some signs are positive, but there is no development of a fetal pole (baby) yet.  Usually at this point, there are signs of development.  The doctor is unwilling to call this a miscarriage yet.  He usually needs two signs to indicate miscarriage.  We are waiting for the HCG levels which we will have tomorrow and the ultrasound Tuesday will confirm if there has been any growth and development.   I should be prepared to have a D&C Tuesday afternoon if the ultrasound reveals no growth. 

 

Our doctor has asked us to have the elders of the church pray over me and the baby.  He shared a story with us of a couple who's HCG levels were dropping and ultrasound revealed no growth.  The couple decided not to do anything at that point but pray.  They came back the next week and there was a heartbeat and they ended up delivering a healthy baby at 37 weeks. It defied all medical knowledge and was truly a miracle of God.  First and foremost, I ask for your prayers for this life I carry.  My heart's greatest desire is for another child.  Despite all the suffering and disappoinment I have faced, that desire has never diminished but has only grown over the years.  We truly are blessed with four amazing children and it is the joy that they bring to my life that helps me to recognize what a blessing children are.  I deeply want to experience that once again.

 

My feelings are all over the place right now.  I so rejoice for this opportunity to carry life once again, yet there is such sorrow over possibly losing this child.  I feel like I have been given a mixed bag--do I get to carry this baby or have I lost him?  No clear answers.  Hope has been extended but then again things don't look good.  Do I rejoice or grieve?  Right now it's both.  To live with hope in the face of difficult news is a hard thing.  To keep trusting my heart and this life to the Lord is all I know to do.  Everything is in His hands.  Even though, I don't know what the outcome will be for this pregnancy, I know the One who does and He will carry me through.  Years ago, Robby and I gave our reproductive lives to Him.  We have remained open to all He has for us and have chosen not to prevent pregnancy.  Despite losing two babies and month after month of disappointment that I was not pregnant, we have remained hopeful and content in what He has for us.  We rejoice for this life He has given us. 

 

Please pray!  Our hearts truly desire this child, but we will trust Him and we will walk in whatever He choses for us.  He is truly trustworthy and amazing!!!